After a month of procrastination, I am returning to my passions. After a crazy month of February I attempted to prepare myself for a motivational, disciplined, hard working month of March. I had primed March to be the month I would focus more on my hobbies like this blog or working out. I wanted to shift my priorities to be more self- centered instead of people pleasing. Lastly, I wanted March to be full of joy and hope. Now, after a month of trying the plan I can confidently say planning fucking sucks. There’s a gut wrenching feeling making plans because it brings accountability if you write it down. I don’t want to confuse people reading this. I’m very planned and logical. However, the problem is sometimes I plan so well I don’t plan to give myself grace or a break. This part of planning I never thought was important, but now I realize how instrumental planning the break can be. As a recovering people pleaser, I became so focused with pleasing people through productivity that when it came time to please myself, I completely left out the concept of praising myself for the productivity. Instead, I would keep working, burning myself out, and instead of patting myself on the back I would eat sweet breads to comfort the idea that I haven’t done enough. Facilitating a bookclub, we read a passage by Alex Elle, author of How We Heal, dedicated to emphasizing the importance of taking a break and enjoying gratitude while healing. Reading the chapter helped me shift my focus towards how often I was taking a break from “doing the work” or “being disciplined” and allowing myself a moment to be grateful for what I have accomplished and be joyful for the fruits of my labor.
I relied on this passage as I continued through March with the plans, extra jobs, workout plans, and “more efficient” blog style I started at the beginning of the month. Much like life, most of those plans changed, but fortunately, this time was for the better. I put gratitude at the front of my planning and prioritized remaining in Joy. With asking myself transformative questions like: why are doing this? What are you doing this for? I challenged my norms and the constructs I’ve trusted within it. I wish I could spend the time telling you the intricate details of my month and each story that led to each lesson. However, instead of creating a chapter( there’s a book coming for that), I would share a few lessons learned from the month. I pray my perspective gives your more power. I pray these lessons support your healing journey by offering you more hope and joy.
01
Old tools can still fix new parts.
Over the past three months I’ve been challenged by life. I’ve faced experiences that challenged my morals, relationships, mindset, and health. The crazy thing to note about all those experiences was they never felt like new exposure. With clarity I learned life, both the good and bad parts, works in cycles. While being challenged this month, I learned to become more aware of the practices and habits that helped me out of that hard place. Likewise, pay equal attention to the habits that got me to the hard place when things were going well.
How to use the lesson: Create a T chart on a sheet of paper. Label one side “When I’m sad, I often do this”. Focus on the patterns, habits, and people that you turn to when you are sad and what supports the narrative of your emotion of sadness. On the opposite side label “When I’m happy, I often do this”. Focus on the habits, people, and things that keep you positive and motivated to keep going. As you write the different things you expierence or expose yourself to, pay attention to both sides. Be honest, open , and transparent with yourself. You don’t have to do this exercise in one sitting, but once you feel like you’re a stopping point, reflect on what habits you want to keep and the habits you want to break. Remember, whether you can or can’t, you’re right.
02
Emotions are like tunnels. They have a beginning, middle, and end.
Emotions are like tunnels. They have a beginning, middle, and end. The problem sometimes is not that we have hard time expressing emotion, but the idea that we don’t know what emotions we are feeling or we don’t give ourselves enough grace to make it through the tunnel of certain emotions. When we don’t allow ourselves a chance to make it through the tunnel to enter clarity and resilience, we become stuck in the tunnel. Stuck in a moment of loneliness and doubt. One thing that is true is the more we allow doubt to sit in our minds and hearts, the less hopeful we become about getting out the tunnel, returning to joy, and finding new hope. A big part of getting out the tunnel is awarness to what activities or exposures makes your holistic self feel safe and secure. Every emotional tunnel can look different, so be careful not to fall into “insanity syndrome”(Doing the same thing and expecting a different result) when dealing with emotions.
How to use the lesson: For your sake improve your emotional literacy. Emotional literacy is so neccesary to healing. You can’t process what you can’t name. Use the emotional literacy wheel to familiarize yourself with different emotions. As you continue your journaling process, raise your awareness to the emotions you feel either throughout your day or as different feelings arise. As you gain consciousness of those feelings, write them down and answer the questions below. It’s important to note why you feel a certain emotion and how it makes your body feel because it gives you a opprotunity to create better boundaries so you can be more preventive. Lastly, it allows you to be more aware so the next time the emotion arrives, you’ll know what it is and how to support yourself.
- Why do I feel like this?
- How does the feel in my body ?
Click here to download emotional literacy wheel.
03
Don’t give the credibility of your values to those who don’t value your values.
One of the best things for my health journey was discovering my old aspiration for people-pleasing. In my mindset of people-pleasing or obliging, as Gretchen Rubin would say, I started to give my worth and sense of self-worth to people only saw me as productive or efficient. I allowed people’s opinions to send me through an emotional tunnel of shame and worthlessness. I sat that tunnel for a week, before I started to see I was practicing three of my habits from my “When I’m feeling sad” T chart. At that moment, I made a choice to be vulnerable, authentic, and courageous and have a conversation. I didn’t necessarily know how to start the conversation, but what I do know is true is that curiosity leads to conversation, conversation leads to clarity, and clarity is kind. With that mantra in mind, I challenged myself to speak up and created an opportunity that allowed me to reclaim my worth and joy.
How to use the lesson: The next time you have a conversation with someone and begin to feel like being courageous, authentic, or vulnerable is not safe, follow three steps:
- Be Aware: Do I value this person’s opinion or perspective? Don’t ask for advice from those who don’t fight the same battle.
- Be Curious: Ask them to define or explain their why on the topic, word, or phrase that made you feel unsafe.
- Be Reflective: If their definition aligns with your values, use that information as perspective, which makes you stronger. On the other hand, if it doesn’t assure yourself in peace, you don’t have to attach yourself to another word spoken in that conversation.
“You have the potential and the time. Don’t waste one because you’ve been waiting on the other.”
-Corey Carroll II
Carroll Cares Education & Research Group, Inc 
3 responses to “Make it Happen in March: The Lessons Learned”
Love this, thanks for sharing these tools and your lessons Corey 🫶🏾
LikeLike
This was very insightful. I’m going to try the activities you listed above to when journaling!
LikeLike
You are amazing Corey! Appreciate you for sharing.
LikeLike